Warm Mud
The previous [“Petri® Dish,” see May 11 on Substack if you don’t want to buy the book], having, in point of fact, “petered out,” perhaps we would have been dollars ahead sticking with Olivia. I mean, wiggling one's toes in warm mud is pretty much the cat's pajamas.1 She certainly seemed to be enjoying herself. But how did she come to be there, shin-deep in ooze? This isn't something most of us would happen into, say, around the house. (Here I may be making an unwarranted assumption. I haven't been in all that many houses over the years … who knows?)
One could imagine that this nice young woman2 placed a largish enamelware pot—say, one her Mom used in the fall for canning tomatoes—on the stove and filled it halfway with loam and enough water to make it sort of soupy, then turned on the heat and sat atop the refrigerator so she could put her feet … but, no, that's ridiculous. No one, not even Olivia, would do that.3
I know you're thinking that it's the refrigerator part that is beyond the pale and that she could have heated the mud on the stove, then put it on the floor and sat in a kitchen chair to savor the muck. But no. She much prefers her warm wiggles au naturelle.4
So, where in heck is she? Well, by gosh, she is in Hot Springs, North Carolina!
Most visitors there pay some cash and lounge in hot tubs, which is a pleasant but sort of mechanical experience, with jets that massage whatever part of your anatomy you choose to expose to the stream. But there is an alternative.5 (!)
If you go just downriver from the hot tub operation the outflow from the natural hot spring runs into the French Broad River and the mud is gloriously warm. This, we now learn, is where Olivia wiggles.
Likely you're wondering why I mentioned Olivia in the first place. Sure, she's “nice,” and she likes to wiggle her toes in warm mud … but … what?
Well, for one thing, she's a friend of Nancy Keyler's. [See? There are no coincidences here. In “Petri® Dish”] Furthermore, while she quite enjoys the wiggling and the warmth, she's conducting research. It isn't all fun and games with Ms. Turnbull. [Wiggle-wiggle.] As she and Nance and their respective “others”6 have rafted downstream from Section 9, in Walnut, Liv has been collecting mudsamples at the outflow of tributary streams.
Note: I've just realized I may have misinformed you on page 16 [In the print version], regarding boustrophedon composition. I feel I should offer this (potential) correction immediately, rather than let you continue with what may very well be a wrong-headed interpretation. You see, I don't read Ancient Greek Etruscan, and to be quite honest7 with you, I don't read Modern Greek either.
That means that she writes left to right on the first line and right to
a across plow a pulling ox an of manner the in second the on left
field, then turning at the end of a row. The term is drawn from the
as” meaning—“turn” ,or strophe and ,“ox” or bous Greek Ancient
the ox turns.” This pattern was used in Ancient Greek Etruscan and
,writers English for unusual pretty is It .languages other few a
which is why I labeled her (i.e.: Carol) “quirky.” I dare say you've not
and new something learned you've now But .before it into run likely
fascinating, non?
Another Note: I ran the first 19 words in the above paragraph through Google Translate®. I think we can agree that it is impossible for most of us to know which direction the words are proceeding in Greek.8
Αυτό σημαίνει ότι γράφει από αριστερά προς τα δεξιά
στην πρώτη γραμμή και από δεξιά προς τα αριστερά στη δεύτερη9
But we've drifted as now have our foursome. Soon they'll be at the Paint Creek takeout and their fine adventure on the ancient French Broad will come to an end. But not Liv's project. No, no! Collecting the samples is only the beginning!
On Monday morning she will begin analysis of her samples!
That oughta be a “thrill a minute” thing, right?
Yeah. Righteo.
Liv is going to put a carefully measured portion of each sample in a test tube and warm it over a Bunsen® burner10 to drive out the moisture. She will position the tube such that it is warmed, not fried.11 Also we could observe that she adjusts the flame to its lowest level. All investigative data will be carefully noted in a spreadsheet on her MacBook®.
[This is getting so exciting that I can hardly catch my breath. I mean, she is warming her mud!]
Another portion of each sample will be chemically assayed in its moist state and still a third bit of each will be dropped in a puddle of agar agar in Petri® dishes! I could just sit here and stare waiting to see what grows!
But I get the sense that some of you readers are less scientifically inclined, so … maybe it's time for one of those steamy sex scenes for which your author is justifiably famous.
Let's see. After the rafting, when Liv and her unnamed companion arrived home they showered! Naked! [Obviously.} Together! Can't you just imagine? Whooey!
***
NOTE PER FOOTNOTES: Substack starts off with new numbering each time I post a story. But Footnotes in the original book are continuous and often refer back to previous super important stuff, So original Footnote #s are included below in [#]s.
1 [51] This is sometimes used in reference to the pelt of a cat, generally large: i.e. leopard, tiger or lion. This is not my meaning and I'm a bit put out if you thought as much.
2 [52] Writer's tip: good to insert some adjectives to fill in the picture of a protagonist, to help readers identify.
3 [53] She's not just “nice,” she's reasonably rational.
4 [54] En française and in the feminine case, for gender accuracy.
5 [55] Actually there are two alternatives that come to mind. There's the one following footnote #55 [that is, footnote #5 in this Substack version], and there's the one outside of Tucson. The cool thing about the Tucson alternative is that, at night, you can sit in a hot tub and look down at the sparkling lights of the city, like a what, a galaxy viewed through the Kitt Peak® telescope down south of town? But, the downside is that the state of Arizona is notably dry. The water in the tub you inhabit there is heavily chlorinated like the contents of any public swimming pool, because they are hardly going to waste precious water by draining and refilling between customers. (With the heat the odor is a bit overwhelming.) (Wine helps.) The North Carolina Hot Springs water is replaced after each patron or group thereof. Just plain old natural hot water. [Actually, these are simply the two alternatives that sprang up in my memory. There are, obviously, hot tubs all over the place, and hot springs, and hot rods, and hot tamales, and hot tips and hot dates—some of which, we here note—land in hot tubs. Ooo la la! The thing about the Tucson alternative is that it doesn't involve mud. The substrate is dry as a bone. So, I think I might have misled you, and now this footnote has dragged on overlong, so we'll just leave it at that.
6 [56] I hesitate to confuse you with more names.
7 [57] One of my sterling qualities, or so I like to think.
8 [58] Assuming “most of us “ don't speak Greek.
9 [59] First use of Ελληνικά in the current volume!
10 [60] See page 32 [in the print edition].
11 [61] Reminding us for no obvious reason of Bond's “shaken not stirred,” or was it the opposite?
Another enjoyable read, Cecil. Thanks for sharing!